Relationship Vs. Religion

Growing up in a MN Lutheran home meant going to church every Sunday and Wednesday. It meant dressing up for the occasion too- you know the term, Sunday Best. Growing up in my family, we had the typical MN Lutheran rules- be nice, brush your teeth twice a day, eat your peas and lutefisk, go to Church on Sundays, tithe exactly 10% of your income, no sex before marriage, no tattoos, and the biggest one: stuff every bad feeling in and pretend everything is ok because no one wants to be burden with your mess… nor do you want to show that you are a mess... There also was this American Dream unspoken life rule (it kind of still exists today but it's getting better): Graduate high school, go to college, graduate, find the perfect job, find a mate and get married, and then babies. If you diverted from that rule.. yikes. What on earth will your parents put on the family Christmas card/letter?

My fellow millennials and I, grew up being spoon fed so that we could grow and fit into this perfect American Dream mold. Does that sound familiar to anyone else?

My Nana was a rule follower. The Ten Commandments was probably her favorite movie (insert drum roll here)! I love my Nana. I miss my Nana. Let me tell you a little bit about my Nana. She was the matriarch of the family. FOR SURE. She called the rules. She said and did what she thought was right. The woman loved God but I don't think she knew how much God really loved her for her- and not her works. Unfortunately, she was so caught up with the rules and works, that she often bypassed the opportunity to love and went straight to the discipline/judgment stage.

When I found out I was pregnant with an “Illegitimate child”- my mom sent me to my aunts/uncles and Nana’s ALONE to tell them my news (I have a hunch my mom was maybe trying to punish me a little… I get it). Yes, I was 19… but it literally was like sending me into the battlefields completely naked and alone. And that just isn’t pretty in any light.

Fortunately my aunts and uncles wrapped me in love before it was all taken away from me (haha). I went to Nana’s and told her that I was pregnant. She got up from the couch, went to her room, grabbed her Bible, sat back down, sighed, and began to read it to me with her disappointment tone and sad face. I’ll never forget it. I’m pretty sure my Uncle Dave came over for some reason (God’s mercy) and I was able to getaway but I honestly don’t remember the details of that day. I just see the emotion. I honestly don’t even remember the verses she was reading to me. Probably from the Old Testament…

You see, my Nana loved me, my sister, and my cousins, but if we didn’t fit into her American Dream Mold – she would be highly disappointed in us and she wasn’t quiet about that disappointment! I have been sent self-help books, “how to lose weight” articles from magazines, parenting books.. I mean, because of my Nana, I could have had quite the library… if I hadn’t thrown them all away. One time I was in the hospital for pancreatitis and here comes my care package from Nana… an old, half used MEAD notebook with both her old and present number written in sharpie on cover, in a folder, with a nice little “easy to read” SELF ESTEEM book. No joke folks. My mom can verify! It’s okay. She definitely made me stronger- must have been all that provided reading material.

Unfortunately she wasn’t able to live in the love that surrounded her. She had children and grandchildren who were exceptionally close – in age, in distance, and in relationship! I grew up with my cousins. We are so close that they are all God-parents of Lily, (so I’m a little excessive at times… and I couldn’t just pick one…)!! But I know that she is in Heaven now, and able to see and feel all the love.

See, what my Nana conveyed to me was that God was all about rules. If I didn’t fit into this mold of a “perfect Christian”, I wasn’t really saved… or worth it even. I know she didn’t mean to do that. That wasn’t her intention. In fact, I believe her actions (sending books, telling me how to lose weight (by becoming a vegan), etc) were her way of loving- she was really determined to make me fit into that American Dream mold. (Sorry Nana, I love cake- I'm not going to fit into that mold nor those size 4 jeans you want me in!)

But here’s the thing- that’s what Satan wants us to feel and think- that if our lives don’t fit this "perfect Christian mold” (non-existent), then we aren’t true followers of God and that God doesn't want us without being perfect. That’s the furthest thing from the truth. God just wants a relationship with us. He wants us to cry out to Him when we are in pain. He wants us to depend on Him when days are shining and bright, but also when days are dull and dreary. But what’s amazing is that He accepts us just as we are! I don’t have to have a college degree to be accepted! I don’t have to have the perfect job to gain His love. God’s love is UNCONDITIONAL. Nothing we do will make Him stop loving us. NOTHING. Nothing we do will make Him stop loving us. Just think about that for a minute. Nothing can separate us from the love of Jesus (Romans 8:38-39)! Once we get that very real and clear message into our hearts- that’s when we see He has called us to love like Him. To Love like Jesus. But remember- THERE IS NOTHING WE CAN DO TO MAKE HIM STOP LOVING US! He wants us to be open to a relationship with Him. Yes, there are rules to living a Godly life-but all He wants is a relationship with us. All the rules just fall into place after the relationship.

I am a complete mess, but God makes my mess into something beautiful! And it's when I am at my weakest, where He does the most amazing miracles. He is so faithful. Instead of turning to your worries/fears/anxieties, take a breath and turn to Him. Read His Word- it's LIVING! Cry to Him. Yell at Him. He will answer. He is there. He is waiting and listening. He loves you!